I was living a broken record that repeated over and over again. Stuck in the endless cycle of trying to repair a relationship by myself, serving them, giving always giving whatever they needed or demanded. Playing the part in which I was cast, never allowed my own identity. I had to be the character that would best fill their empty longings, the insatiable needs - insatiable because they did not know what it was and dared not look long enough at themselves to understand their own achings. Instead they consume constantly anything that distracts or soothes but never really healing the problem so it must be fed and fed and fed.... The blood in that family runs cold and dark and is full of secrets.
At first I thought they were the ones breaking my heart. Until one day when I was standing in my dining room (that was a special room I guess as many a revelation came to me when I was there sweeping, dusting cobwebs from the ceilings, setting the table or clearing it). The Holy Ghost spoke words in my mind to reassure me that I did in fact have a choice - that I had up until that moment chosen to pander after them. It was my choice! I was letting them hurt me. I was hurting myself! I was wasting my time and limited energy chasing a fantasy that never did exist. Hadn't I better put my energy into something that would produce better, even worthwhile results? I had so little time left and I needed to reach my potential. I never would get there if I poured myself into a black hole. I would have nothing left with which to become the me I was meant to be. The one I could feel slumbering somewhere inside of me. It was time I woke her up!
Some people say blood is thicker than water. I've come to realize that I prefer water. It is very thirst quenching and refreshing. Come to think of it... I don't even like the taste of blood.
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