Thicker Than Water

I just want to be happy. Taking my place among them would cost me that. I know. I've already tried everything, and I tried it most of my life. Bending till I broke to please them. Waiting patiently for them to care or to change, but all it got me was emptiness and loneliness and heartbreak.

I was living a broken record that repeated over and over again. Stuck in the endless cycle of trying to repair a relationship by myself, serving them, giving always giving whatever they needed or demanded. Playing the part in which I was cast, never allowed my own identity. I had to be the character that would best fill their empty longings, the insatiable needs - insatiable because they did not know what it was and dared not look long enough at themselves to understand their own achings. Instead they consume constantly anything that distracts or soothes but never really healing the problem so it must be fed and fed and fed.... The blood in that family runs cold and dark and is full of secrets.

 At first I thought they were the ones breaking my heart. Until one day when I was standing in my dining room (that was a special room I guess as many a revelation came to me when I was there sweeping, dusting cobwebs from the ceilings, setting the table or clearing it). The Holy Ghost spoke words in my mind to reassure me that I did in fact have a choice - that I had up until that moment chosen to pander after them. It was my choice! I was letting them hurt me. I was hurting myself! I was wasting my time and limited energy chasing a fantasy that never did exist. Hadn't I better put my energy into something that would produce better, even worthwhile results? I had so little time left and I needed to reach my potential. I never would get there if I poured myself into a black hole. I would have nothing left with which to become the me I was meant to be. The one I could feel slumbering somewhere inside of me. It was time I woke her up!  

Some people say blood is thicker than water. I've come to realize that I prefer water. It is very thirst quenching and refreshing. Come to think of it... I don't even like the taste of blood. 

All's Well That Ends!

Quick update in the cloth diapering department....

A few weeks ago I used up my last disposable diaper and officially, as well as a bit nervously, made the switch to reusable diapers. I am happy to report that the situation is well in hand and both baby and I are loving the changes - no sweat! It has proven to be easy peasy lemon squeezy. Not to mention that my little man looks so adorable in his cloth diapers that some days I put nothing but a matching t-shirt on him with the diaper, and he ends up being the cutest baby on the block cruising around in his "g pants". Here's some recent pictures. See for yourself.

The Hitch

Things haven't gone off entirely without a hitch, although they've come together fairly smoothly overall. Sunday, for example, at church Little Man had a blow out; he literally was oozing more poo than any diaper could handle (I think it was because of the new baby apples and oatmeal cereal he had for breakfast that morning). Normally this wouldn't be a problem at home, just a quick clean up and a fresh diaper.... But there I was stuck at church, digging through the diaper bag while holding baby hostage on the diaper changing table, only to discover that I had brought extra liners (the absorbent layer that goes inside the diaper) but I had not thought to bring extra diapers. 

I did a pretty good job of cleaning off the diaper so he could wear it till I was able to get him home again, but I won't be skipping that corner anymore - ALWAYS bring extra liners and an extra diaper. Lesson learned!

You Might Want to Know....

So here is what I've learned about cloth diapering in my short experience with them. The pouch diapers are too much work. You have to wash the entire diaper every time baby urinates the teeniest bit. 

I like the "g-diaper" the absolute best. They come with an outer shell (the diaper) and a waterproof liner that snaps into place (which only needs to get changed every now and then) and a cloth insert that fits into the liner (this insert is the only thing I have to change with most diaper changes). Little Man wears the same diaper for 3 days usually and I just swap out the wet liner for a dry one every so many hours. It's as easy as pie! I wash the wet or soiled liners every 3 or 4 days, but I have enough of them that I actually don't have to wash them more than once a week if need be. 

There's Always a "Butt"

Although I love the "g-diaper" I have found that the cloth inserts bunch up and lose their shape once the diaper is secured in place by the adjustable Velcro straps. I found a much better cloth insert, and it is way cheaper. Charcoal bamboo liners are softer but thicker and they hold their shape better so they stay in place. They are also more absorbent and wick the moisture away from Little Man's bottom so much more effectively than the "g liners" did. 

Also, the "g liners" don't get him through the night so I have to double them up which isn't a big deal, but the charcoal bamboo liners are so absorbent that just one keeps him dry all night. 

The End

I have put an end to one more disposable item in my life, and it is a good ending. I am becoming more self-sufficient and declaring my independence from "the system". I am gaining confidence that when the crap hits the fan I will be ready, and I will be able to live with relative ease and comfort. I am just glad my head isn't buried in denial and that I recognize what is going on in the world and what it will unavoidably mean. I am relieved to make these changes now while the getting is good. Isn't it time that you made changes as well?

Husbands Are Impossible!

I recently celebrated my ninth year of marriage. What wisdom have I gleaned in the past nine, some difficult some encouraging, years? Well, I have learned that husbands are impossible. That is, it is impossible to put a price on a good husband. They are priceless. Their value is immeasurable. 

In this world the fight against the family is raging, and it is particularly successful against husbands and fathers. From pornography to domestic violence and easy divorce options, it is becoming increasingly difficult for men to stick it out as husbands and fathers in a world that ridicules that role and glamorizes everything else. 

All in Perspective

I recently read the results of a statistical research project that claims barely over 50% of adults in America are married. And we all know that 40% of all first marriages end in divorce within 25 years. Of the ones that are still married many of them put up with all types of abuse and domestic disturbances. What it comes down to is I am pretty darn lucky. Ur, uh, I mean my husband is pretty freakin' awesome!

Oh, sometimes I like to complain at him or about him. He isn't perfect. We have had our struggles, some of them have been very serious, and I have worried that our marriage would end up among the rising divorce statistics. But when I start to drown in my pity party because of the struggles we are having inside our marriage, something makes me look up and see what is going on outside our marriage and by "something" I mean the Holy Ghost. 

When I look up or out or around, that is when I realize that I have it pretty good. My hubby may not be perfect, but I am grateful he is still hanging in there and doing such a great job in spite of the world that fights to take him from us through porn, divorce, homosexuality, etc. We are fighting to hold onto him, and so far he is still here. We are relieved and grateful that he is making the choice to be with us even though we aren't perfect - it isn't a picnic having to live with us every day. 

The voices of the world are calling out to our husbands and fathers and sons, if we look up we will see the fight is real. It's time to fight back.

How Are We Going to Fight Back?

My oldest daughter is turning seven now, but when she was just two she taught me a valuable lesson that I still reflect on often. 

My husband was upset over something and after a show of anger he marched off toward his man cave. Two-year-old Miley saw his frustration and ran to put her arms around him. She said she was going to make him feel better with a hug. But she caught up to him just as he was reaching for the handle to the door. With one easy motion he swung the door open and then slammed it shut in her face. She stood there staring at the closed door. She didn't make it. She didn't get to give Daddy her hug to help him feel better. I held my breath. I knew her feelings would be hurt. I waited, ready to comfort her, as she turned around to face me. But when she looked at me her face was glowing, lit by the widest and brightest smile. She sighed with such satisfaction and said with the sincerity only a child is capable of, "I'm so glad I have a dad!" 

She could have been offended. Her feelings could have been hurt. But she decided to focus on the good, to accentuate the positive. In family relationships we are going to hurt each other; a positive attitude can make or break us.

picture credits: https://www.lds.org/church/news

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Wanted: Fathers

One in every three children in America doesn't have a dad that is part of their life. Many children who have a dad have to deal with abuse and neglect of all sorts. 

Miley is indeed lucky to have a dad - a dad who is getting better at being a dad because he keeps trying, a dad who loves her and who is involved in her life, a dad who provides for her and encourages her, a dad who takes her on outings and plans her birthday party and knows her friends by name, a dad who brings her home a cookie because they had extra at work, a dad who thinks of her. Oh, he isn't perfect, but then again neither are we. We sure love that he cares and that he sticks around even on our worst days.

Wounded Soldiers

I know that many men have fallen on the battle field, and there are a lot of women and children trying to heal their broken hearts. Three of my sisters are divorced from abusive husbands. I have a brother who just got tired of "the responsibility" and walked out on his two kids and his wife one day. I know men who became career obsessed and let go of the people who loved them and who should have mattered most. I know so many friends, neighbors, family members, and co-workers who have abandoned their potential as husbands and fathers and gone off in pursuit of pornography or homosexuality or younger women and an easier life.... It hurts so bad to see them go and have to watch them walk away.

We need our men, our husbands and fathers. You are important to us. You are our strength and our shoulder to cry on. You are our friends and teachers, our voices of warning and our examples. You are our providers and our heros. Your value is impossible to measure. You are priceless. We love you. We are aware of the vices and voices of the world and the snares and sins that lurk all around you. We know it is a battle out there, and we appreciate that you are still here. Thank you!

Take a Look Around

Sometimes it is easy for us to look only at what is going on INSIDE our marriages. We get caught up in it because it is so immediate and personal, but it is vital that we also look up and pay attention to what is going on OUTSIDE as well and be aware of the dangers that surround our marriages. That is the only way we can get a clear perspective and properly prioritize each aspect of our marriage relationships.

When those voices we hear inside our heads encourage us put undue importance on little annoyances or insignificant differences and cause us to be discontent or to complain, we need to think of things to be grateful for instead and chase those feelings of dissatisfaction and discouragement away. We need to put up the shield of gratitude for our husbands, the shield of appreciation for them that will help keep our marriages safe from those things that could easily enter in and destroy them when we are dissatisfied. 

The Molehills

Also, many times when we are only looking inward we see things disproportionately. Something that might seem like a really big deal could suddenly look small when compared to outer things. My husband plays computer games often for hours on end. I feel that the time he wastes (that is my word - he would definitely use a different word to describe his gaming habit) is time lost that could have been spent with me or with our kids in building meaningful relationships and memories. The amount of time he gives to his favorite, okay, only past time is a really big deal to me, until I look outward.... My sister just left her husband because he has become more violent toward their children recently and more emotionally manipulative toward her. 

My heart breaks for her and for him and for their children. Because of their experience I see that my husband could be beating us, and suddenly video gaming seems small. I am able to put proper proportions to my emotional reactions to the things that I don't "like" in my marriage. As a result, I stay calm and content (relieved even! Remember I grew up in an abusive home, so it is no wonder many of my siblings are repeating that pattern. I know statistically I am more likely to fall into an abusive marriage as well, so I have a lot to be grateful for - starting with my husband).

An old Bing Crosby song comes to mind, "When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep. And I fall asleep counting my blessings." If we, wives, fell asleep counting our marital blessings instead of the sheep, we'd be in a better place emotionally to be able to effectively fight the battle with our husbands to defend marriage and family.

The Mountains

There are times in marriage that it is not just the seemingly little things that are wrong but sometimes it is the obviously big things - things that make you wonder if perhaps it is time to abandon ship. There are too many big things that can go wrong in a marriage to be able to name them all and give proper attention to each possible solution. But what I can offer is this: through personal experience I have come to believe as long as you are both willing to change and work through the difficulty it is worth holding on to your marriage as tightly as you can. Cling to it! Grip it! Don't let go no matter how tough the going gets. Don't give up as long as he demonstrates he is willing to do his part to make it work. 

No one knows better than I that abusers will stoop to any level of deception and manipulation to keep you where they can hurt you. When I say stick it out even when the going gets tough I am not in any way saying a woman should stay in an abusive relationship. Sometimes distance and space and time are the only things that can give us proper perspective. I know some women who have worked things out with men who used to abuse them, but they never worked it out under the same roof. There was always space and distance enough for the safety and welfare of the wife and children.

Thanks Again

picture credits: http://blog.volunteerspot.com/volunteer_guru/2011/06/
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Given that there are so very many things that can go wrong to break a marriage and a family into a million pieces that can never be put back together again, no, not even by all the therapists and medications and mediators in America! Since there are so many opportunities to fail at this, to give up and to call it quits, I just have to say to my "impossible" husband, Thank you! It really is impossible to put a price on all that you do right and the times you do something wrong but then to see you try and try again means the world to us. Thank you for being a part of this happy family.

The Family Is of God

Our Father has a family. It’s me!

It’s you, all others too: we are His children.

He sent each one of us to earth, through birth,

To live and learn here in fam’lies.

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—

This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

A father’s place is to preside, provide,

To love and teach the gospel to his children.

A father leads in fam’ly prayer to share

Their love for Father in Heaven.

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—

This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

A mother’s purpose is to care, prepare,

To nurture and to strengthen all her children.

She teaches children to obey, to pray,

To love and serve in the fam’ly.

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—

This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

I’ll love and serve my family and be

A good example to each fam’ly member.

And when I am a mom or dad, so glad,

I’ll help my fam’ly remember:

God gave us families to help us become what He wants us to be—

This is how He shares His love, for the fam’ly is of God.

© 2008 Matthew Neeley. Arr. © 2014 by Intellectual Reserve, Inc. All rights reserved.

Waste Not Want Not - Part II

I knew that I needed a "diaper change" when I realized I wouldn't be able to afford to store enough diapers to last a year. I don't have the room in my limited storage space, and I don't have the room in my monthly budget.

So, I decided to switch to cloth, but as my stash of disposable diapers gets smaller and smaller there is a feeling growing larger and larger in my stomach. I have the jitters, but why am I nervous about using cloth diapers? Oh, I am not getting cold feet, but I am a little terrified of making the switch. I don't intend to back out of my decision. When I purchased them I knew there would be a learning curve as we all adjusted to the new way of doing things around here. Now with my supply of disposables nearly gone, I will have to make the switch to cloth diapers by the end of next week ready or not.

I know a lot of people out there use cloth diapers, that this is nothing new. In fact, disposable diapers have only been an option for a few decades. Cloth diapers have been the way to pamper baby's bottom for so long they make dinosaurs look young. Besides, in the last decade cloth diapers have evolved right along with our cell phones. They are so much easier and less messy than before. I don't have to worry about folding the cloth wrong or putting the diaper pin through baby's skin like our parents and grandparents had to. Now cloth diapers are cool and colorful and less bulky with adjustable Velcro fasteners. Besides, there are dozens of options. So what am I afraid of?

Out with the Old! In with the New!

I am afraid because this is not just a temporary experiment to see if cloth diapers are going to work for my lifestyle. This is an entire lifestyle change. You see, it isn't just cloth diapers. I am replacing all the disposable items in our home with reusable resources. I am replacing everything from paper towels to tampons with a reusable alternative. I am changing the way we live our lives and the products we spend our money on.

I bought cloth diapers, and I will be using cloth wipes as well. I am restricting my family to paper napkins only for birthdays and large gatherings. For our day to day needs we are now using cloth napkins. No more paper plates and plastic forks and spoons. No more paper towels. Now we will be using hand towels and dish cloths. I am stocking up on handkerchiefs and leaving no stone un-turned as we switch to reusable resources. I even used my first menstrual cup this week, and surprisingly I am already adjusting with ease to the changes.

Money Pits or Investments?

We are no longer pouring money into the pit of non-consumable groceries, instead we are investing our money into reusable resources that will save us money and stress in the long run.

When the prices for tampons go up, it won't effect my monthly budget at all because I am already making the switch to the menstrual cup and sea sponge tampons and cloth liners and pads. When the price of disposable diapers goes up my stress level won't spike because I already have all the diapers I will need for the rest of forever no matter how many kids I have. Inflation won't get under my skin as much as it used to before, because I am Murphy-proofing my life.

I am making the switch now to reusable items where possible so when the time comes that disposable commodities are no longer affordable (or no longer even available), I will already be accustomed to this lifestyle. I will already be comfortable and my stress level will not need to soar along with the price of non-consumable products because I will have already gone through those adjustments during times of low economic stress. What about you? Do you need a "diaper change"?

Picture taken from http://gadbaby.com/blog/

Waste Not Want Not

Trust What You See

If you've been paying attention you will have seen the warning signs and you will know that our economy is built on air. You don't have to be an economist to understand that it is just a matter of time before things go south. Who cares what the "experts" say when our own eyes are telling us time is running out. Lets use that time to our advantage and get prepared.

As the economy shrinks and food prices go up so will the price of our essential commodities and then, when they exceed the money in our monthly budgets we will no longer consider them essential. We will have to start going without. If we are not preparing ourselves and our families now, there will come a day when we have to go without basic items such as toothpaste and deodorant and soaps.

You may not believe it can get that bad from where you are sitting now with toothpaste in your cupboard (it has always been there), shampoo in the shower and hand soap on the counter by the sink (these are the things we take for granted), but soon we will have to choose between food and deodorant because we won't have enough money for both. That is when we will find out what the truly essential things are - just what will sustain life.

It really can get that bad even in the United States. We have sown a whole lot of "irresponsible" and now it is nearly time to reap the consequences. We can't put them off forever. Eventually what goes around really does come around. It's called the law of the harvest, and it is an eternal law. We can break ourselves against it, but we cannot break the law. In other words we WILL reap what we have sown.

What To Do About It

Because I trust what my eyes see I believe things are going to unravel, so I am making the switch to reusable resources where possible and where it is not possible I am stocking up on things like toothpaste and shampoo so that I will have at least a year supply for my family of five. I am gaining a measure of independence from this flaky economy by learning to make as much as I can from scratch. Including things from hamburger buns to laundry soap I am learning to produce more. When warmer weather finally reaches us I will be planting a garden as well. If I sow frugality and thrift and waste not then when the time comes I will reap the reward and my family will want not.

It might seem like I am going to a lot of trouble and inconveniencing myself needlessly. After all the economy hasn't taken that inevitable nose dive yet. But I don't want to wait until it happens before I get my house in order. It will be too late then. I want to Murphy-proof my life while the getting is good. I want to adjust my way of life while the state of our nation is still low key and low stress. I can't imagine having to experience cloth diapers for the first time or cloth menstrual pads for the first time after the crap hits the fan. Things are going to be stressful enough without having to make all these changes. Besides, if I practice this lifestyle now I will have worked all the kinks and bugs out by the time it really matters. I will have perfected a system to repel Murphy with, and I will more easily navigate the changes that are coming in our nation.

Why You Should Use Reusable Resources, Too!

Reusable resources are Murphy repellent. When the cost of diapers goes up it won't cause you to flinch because you will already be saving money by using cloth diapers. When the cost of paper towels or paper plates and napkins rises and draws an involuntary collective sigh from the American consumers, it won't bother you one bit because you will have reusable resources in your home already. When the price for tampons goes up, it won't effect your monthly budget if you switch now to the menstrual cup and sea sponge tampons and cloth liners and pads.

Reusable things are much easier to store. They take up less room in my limited storage spaces. They won't ever run out because, well, they are reusable so I can store less of them. A four month supply of paper towels used to take up a ton of room in my garage, but the few dozen hand and dish towels that I store now only fill up one kitchen drawer.

Not only will reusable items save you money as the economy eventually falls in a downward spiral, they will save you money now. In saving money now you are freeing up money with which you can pay down your debts. Getting out of debt is necessary if we are going to Murphy-proof our lives and keep personal disaster or crisis living at a minimum.

If you want to go green then that is just another reason to switch to reusable resources. Then you will be doing your part to save a tree or to keep land fills from filling up.

An Inconvenient Life

I like convenience, but it comes at a price, a price I have always paid until now. Now I value the cost more than I value the convenience, so I am changing my life. This is about getting my house in order, and maybe along the way, inspiring some of you to get yours in order too. I think it is important to prepare our households so that we have more money to spend on the true essentials when costs are high.

You can rationalize and tell yourself that things aren't bad - in fact considering the financial low that resulted in the housing crash of 2008 things are actually getting better. But why wait until things are bad? It will be too late then. Now is the time to prepare. Look at the warning signs and be smart. Think of how it will feel when your children look to you for their needs, but you are not able to meet them?

It wasn't too many years ago that the lifestyle in this great country of ours was not so disposable and on demand. There didn't used to be a disposable version of everything. People used to live by the old axiom to "use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without." That time will come again when we can no longer afford to spend our limited funds on disposable and non-renewable commodities. If we are not prepared we will have to do without.

Meet Murphy

We've all heard of Murphy's Law which predicts that if something can go wrong, it will! And I'm sure we've all had the pleasure of an unexpected visit from Murphy himself, like the time my husband refused to register his car because he insisted registering the car wasn't necessary, and we'd save money. I bet you can imagine what happened. Yep, Murphy showed up with a traffic violation ticket along with towing and storage expenses that ended up costing us a lot more than the registration fee (which we ended up paying after all).

There are things we all do to invite disaster into our lives. It's as if we are leaving the front door unlocked so that Murphy can come and go as he pleases.

If you are like most Americans you are living paycheck to paycheck which means you are a sitting duck or an easy target for Murphy. If your idea of an emergency plan is to hope for the best or to wait for FEMA, well, then, Murphy will be able to spot you from a mile away. If you think that the government is going to solve society's problems or if you are waiting for your big break in life then you might as well paint a target on your forehead. If your problems are someone else's fault or if you are waiting for a bigger house or a better job, better weather, or whatever it is you are waiting for before you can be happy then you are right on par with Murphy's Law, and you are probably pretty stressed and even disappointed with the way life is turning out.

The Only Time You Should Break The Law!

The great news is we can defy Murphy and his law! We can change the way we live our lives! I for one am tired of being pranked by mischievous Murphy. It is time to break Murphy's Law and Murphy-proof our lives.

To defy Murphy we have to be one step ahead of him always. We have to be ready for him. We have to be prepared. How we finally get rid of Murphy so that he's no longer living in our guest rooms is going to be different for every one of us, but there are some things that we MUST ALL DO in order to be rid of him for good.

1. Get out of debt.
2. GET OUT OF DEBT!!!
3. Store more food in your home than you do now.
4. Get out of debt.
5. Get to know God personally.
6. Fix any emotional or mental health problems you struggle with.
7. Live a physically healthy lifestyle. 

As we struggle to Murphy-proof our lives, remember that a loving Heavenly Father is a prayer away. He wants us to succeed. He is willing to help us along our way. As we turn to him often, he will guide and encourage and deliver us.